To Spoon, or Not to Spoon
by Tw1st
Summary: Short oneshot of Kirk and McCoy.  Not slash - just humor.


**Title: To Spoon, or Not to Spoon**

**Author's Note:** Just pretend this story makes a lick of sense, ok? I drink crazy juice on a regular basis, therefore I think this oneshot is a masterpiece – or, at least it was fun to write.

Please note it is the shortest, most illiterate thing I may have ever written.

"BONES!"

Leonard McCoy took a rapid step back into the hallway, eyes wide and confused, and he pressed the palms of his hands into the side of his head in attempts to pressure the recently-planted image from his mind. _This_ was not a good day. _This_ Leonard McCoy was in no need of. Sure, _this _wasn't the first time he had come back to his Starfleet quarters, late at night after a long day of studying, and been rudely greeted by the image of his roommate covered in a woman. And no, it wasn't like he didn't half-anticipate stumbling through the door and being yelled at for the 'inconvenience' of his entry. However, he could almost guarantee this was going to be the last time that James T. Kirk had the pleasure of having any woman within that room again, at any hours of the day.

He had had it!

The door re-opened revealing a rather pretty and yet surprisingly ordinary girl who quickly wobbled her way from the room. She gave McCoy an apologetic-for-being-a-whore kind of look, before turning her back on him and disappearing completely into the darkness of the night. McCoy watched after her thoughtfully, even taking time to stare at the blank nothingness of what remained in her wake, before throwing his head back and groaning in annoyance. His feet stepped slowly into the dark room, one after the other, and he steadied his eyes towards the left corner where a lump-of-Kirk shielded his tender eyes from the slight lighting of the hallway. When the door had fully clicked shut behind the doctor the room instantaneously filled with black, breaking any eye-contact that should have been occurring.

For a moment, McCoy allowed his 'companion' to believe he was off the hook. He thought it would be nice to at least give the man a second to escape from true reality; the reality where Leonard was pissed, and Kirk was about to have an earful.

"Lights."

The room illuminated immediately.

Kirk grabbed a fistful of covers and pulled them over his head. His muffled voice merged up from beneath the fabric; "Problem?"

"No, no." McCoy said slowly, making his way steadily to his bed and placing himself upon it with ease. One at a time he lifted his feet – right, then left – and removed a heavy shoe from each one. When he had successfully completed that, the doctor reached up and tugged at the collar of his shirt, lifting It up over his head to free his body of the light attire. He sat, and sat, and sat. Then, still sitting, exploded; "How many times do I have to ask you to please not have women in here when I'm off on late-night lessons!"

Kirk was motionless for a moment. Then, his finger peaked out from beneath the covers, and slowly tugged downward to reveal one very crystal- blue eyeball. This eyeball was staring straight at McCoy, squinting in agony past the rays of light. "You have asked me not to have women in here?"

McCoy jumped to his feet, throwing his arms around him in annoyance. "You're like a child!"

Kirk sat up in unison, allowing the covers to slip down past his naked chest, scrunching his shoulders upward in confusion. "Would you prefer I had men!"

McCoy dropped his arms to his sides with a _thud_, considering that inquiry for a moment… "Would you have sex with men?"

"Depends." Kirk answered, much too quickly.

"Oh, just shut _up_!" McCoy countered, grabbing up the shirt he had discarded and throwing it at Kirk's face. "I'm sick of you taking advantage of me."

"Taking advantage – what?" The blonde haired man stumbled innocently, slapping the shirt away from his face and throwing it to the ground. He then lit up as bright as the lights, curling his lips back to reveal a full set of pearly white teeth. "Oh, I get it. You're jealous."

McCoy felt his jaw do a series of pushups. Every time a thought came to his mind to expel, full of vigor and explicates, he tossed it aside with a reoccurring feeling of confusion. Finally, he found something fitting to say, and turned away from Kirk with defeat. "You're impossible."

"Come spoon with me."

"No."

"C'mon, Bones." Kirk teased, lifting up the covers around his waist and pointing within them suggestively. "It could be fun."

Pulling back the covers on his own bed, McCoy slipped into the safety of his sleeping area, rolling himself away from Kirk so that the young 'commander in training' could see nothing but the doctor's back. "Spoon this." He grumbled to the wall, flipping back a gesture that he had been hording away for the likes of this suitable situation.

There was silence.

Then, when he had thought he may have won for the night, McCoy was disappointed to hear the rustling of Kirk's sheets and the sound of his bare feet hitting the floor. "You asked for this!"

Then next moment went by too quickly for McCoy to react in time. One second he was in his bed alone, the next he was not. Simple as that. Somehow Kirk had managed to cross the empty floor space between them, lift up the doctor's covers, and jump into the bed beside him – wrapping his extremely toned and defined arm around the torso of his unsuspecting roommate.

"_Good G__od man, where are your pants_!" McCoy exclaimed; shoving his elbow roughly backwards into what he hoped would be Kirk's ribs.

Success.

Kirk slipped backwards, off of the bed, and onto the floor with a painful _sm__ack_. A gurgling cough erupted from the ground behind McCoy, then a very quiet and pained; "You're a horrible spooner."

Smiling to himself, McCoy pulled the covers tightly around his shoulders. "Lights, off."

"So – does this mean I can still have women over?" Kirk asked, presumably still residing motionless on the floor.

McCoy winced. "As long as you don't touch me again, goddamnit."

"You liked it."

"Goodnight."

He always had – and would always have – that soft spot for Jim.

I don't know... spur of the moment!  
I think it's cute.  
Hehehe.  
(:


End file.
